1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:01,019
A decision to make.

2
00:00:01,020 --> 00:00:05,060
Can you tell me you're 100 % certain you
do not want to be with me?

3
00:00:05,061 --> 00:00:08,919
I'm not going to compete with Carol,
that's it. And I'm on a plane tomorrow

4
00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:09,970
night to Houston.

5
00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:13,610
Unless you give me a reason to stay. How
do I do that? Make up your mind.

6
00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:15,490
Once and for all.

7
00:00:17,340 --> 00:00:19,380
Make any interesting decisions lately?

8
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,000
I decided to be with Frankie.

9
00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:24,090
So I went to look for you. And a funny
thing happened.

10
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:28,860
Everywhere I went, I saw us. And I
realized.

11
00:00:29,820 --> 00:00:32,180
I love you. I love every part of you.

12
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,160
And we have to be together.

13
00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:37,340
Can I please kiss you now?

14
00:00:42,860 --> 00:00:43,910
So...

15
00:00:58,910 --> 00:01:01,210
So? So, here we stand in front of your
house.

16
00:01:01,211 --> 00:01:04,729
Just like we've done so many nights
before, except very different. Very,

17
00:01:04,730 --> 00:01:06,350
different tonight. For tonight,

18
00:01:06,490 --> 00:01:09,530
we stand here as a couple.

19
00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:12,110
Yes, Ed Stevens, that we do.

20
00:01:12,111 --> 00:01:16,169
It's great. You know, it's exciting.
Because, you know, for non -couples,

21
00:01:16,170 --> 00:01:18,929
right here marks the end of the road,
you know, the end of the evening. But

22
00:01:18,930 --> 00:01:20,010
us, that's old school.

23
00:01:20,230 --> 00:01:24,130
Because for us, we're a couple and the
night has just begun.

24
00:01:25,970 --> 00:01:27,590
What do you mean by that exactly?

25
00:01:33,389 --> 00:01:34,439
Good night, Ed.

26
00:01:35,030 --> 00:01:39,210
Good night. Whoa, hey, whoa, hang on.
Did you just say... Did you say, come

27
00:01:39,250 --> 00:01:42,650
Ed, but in a strange accent? Like a
Ukrainian accent, perhaps?

28
00:01:43,050 --> 00:01:45,550
No, no. I said, good night, Ed.

29
00:01:46,601 --> 00:01:48,569
Hold up.

30
00:01:48,570 --> 00:01:49,690
Hold up. Hold up.

31
00:01:49,970 --> 00:01:53,909
Okay. I see. Look, see, I think you're
failing to grasp the concept of old

32
00:01:53,910 --> 00:01:57,709
school. Now, when you say, okay, good
night, Ed, that's kicking it old school.

33
00:01:57,710 --> 00:01:59,459
Okay, now were you to say... Come in,
Ed.

34
00:01:59,460 --> 00:02:00,510
That'd be new school.

35
00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:02,300
Time to start kicking in new school.

36
00:02:02,301 --> 00:02:04,559
Can we be serious for a second?

37
00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:07,459
I'm serious and dead serious. Never been
more serious about anything in my life.

38
00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:10,419
Tonight was absolutely perfect.

39
00:02:11,860 --> 00:02:14,720
And I want to remember it just as it is.

40
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:19,840
Okay. Okay.

41
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:21,170
I guess I understand.

42
00:02:22,260 --> 00:02:23,520
Can I come in now, please?

43
00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:27,920
Good night, Ed.

44
00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:41,660
Chicken and old school.

45
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:55,500
I'm in the sky tonight.

46
00:02:58,271 --> 00:03:00,179
That's it?

47
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:03,370
That's all you're going to tell me?
That's all there is to tell?

48
00:03:03,460 --> 00:03:05,580
You know, you amaze me. Why?

49
00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:09,340
Three years of walking down the street
talking about Ed. Three.

50
00:03:09,989 --> 00:03:11,039
years, Carol.

51
00:03:11,170 --> 00:03:14,960
That's like over a thousand days, a very
significant chunk of our lifespan.

52
00:03:15,130 --> 00:03:18,110
You finally hook up with the guy, and
you tell me nothing?

53
00:03:18,111 --> 00:03:22,029
That's unacceptable, Molly. I mean,
you've got to tell me something, you

54
00:03:22,030 --> 00:03:26,089
anything, just the tiniest detail, like,
like, what kind of underwear does he

55
00:03:26,090 --> 00:03:27,140
wear? Let me guess.

56
00:03:28,110 --> 00:03:29,670
Boxers with a rubber duck motif.

57
00:03:29,730 --> 00:03:33,789
I didn't see his underwear. The man
wears invisible underwear? Molly, he

58
00:03:33,790 --> 00:03:37,850
me home, we said our goodnight, we went
our separate ways, that's it, I swear.

59
00:03:38,490 --> 00:03:44,980
You were Absolutely, 100 % positive that
you guys didn't do it.

60
00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:52,340
You were absolutely, 100 % positive that
you guys didn't do it.

61
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:55,640
Yes, for God's sakes, I think I would
know. Okay.

62
00:03:56,100 --> 00:04:01,079
All right, so answer me this.
Hypothetically, if you had done it, how

63
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:02,340
think it would have been?

64
00:04:02,341 --> 00:04:05,479
Somehow I can't imagine Ed and Mike
having this conversation.

65
00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:07,900
Tell me more, tell me more.

66
00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:10,730
Ha, ha, ha.

67
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:12,290
Very funny, Knicky.

68
00:04:12,291 --> 00:04:15,639
You know, on any other day, I would find
that extremely irritating. Not today,

69
00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:19,130
my friend. For today, nothing can knock
me off my golden perch of bliss.

70
00:04:19,131 --> 00:04:22,559
You're going to talk like that from now
on? I feel I've earned the right, my

71
00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:24,959
friend. I feel I've earned the right.
You know, three years of Carol Vesky

72
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:29,039
Insanity has finally paid off. Three
years of Carol Vesky Insanity? You

73
00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:30,139
even get into her house.

74
00:04:30,140 --> 00:04:31,190
Michael!

75
00:04:31,191 --> 00:04:34,049
She's just saving a little something for
later. You know what I'm saying? I'm

76
00:04:34,050 --> 00:04:36,629
cool with it. Sure you are. So what
about Frankie? What are you going to do

77
00:04:36,630 --> 00:04:38,589
about Frankie? Nothing I can do. She's
gone.

78
00:04:38,590 --> 00:04:41,409
Already? Yeah, she's gone. She left. And
we said our goodbyes to the party.

79
00:04:41,410 --> 00:04:42,289
She's off to Houston.

80
00:04:42,290 --> 00:04:43,749
Wow, that must have been rough.

81
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:48,729
It was. You know, I mean, it would...
You know, Frankie... Frankie was...

82
00:04:48,730 --> 00:04:52,069
Frankie is... You know, she's... She's
amazing, right? I didn't want to start

83
00:04:52,070 --> 00:04:53,210
this whole thing with a...

84
00:04:53,211 --> 00:04:56,899
But, you know, not now, not today. You
know, today is not a day to dwell on the

85
00:04:56,900 --> 00:05:00,559
past. Today is a day to focus on the
future, my friend. Our distant future,

86
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:05,899
2079 when you finally have sex with Joe
Vesey. I knocked you out of your golden

87
00:05:05,900 --> 00:05:06,950
perch of bliss.

88
00:05:09,620 --> 00:05:14,880
Good morning, Stuck and Bow.

89
00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:16,719
You drunk?

90
00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:17,770
Nah, man.

91
00:05:17,771 --> 00:05:23,459
Hey, is that the one where he's the
doctor with the clown nose? Because that

92
00:05:23,460 --> 00:05:24,510
genius.

93
00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:26,930
Charlie!

94
00:05:26,980 --> 00:05:29,400
Yo, Charlie, what in the world?

95
00:05:30,220 --> 00:05:31,270
Good morning, Eli.

96
00:05:31,271 --> 00:05:34,739
Please tell me I'm suffering from a
temporary mental disorder which causes

97
00:05:34,740 --> 00:05:38,470
see three dozen tasty -looking pies
which in fact says pies does not exist.

98
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,180
No, Eli, these pies are very real.

99
00:05:40,181 --> 00:05:42,379
Well, what are they doing here? I bought
them.

100
00:05:42,380 --> 00:05:46,039
Why? Charlie, we're lucky we go through
two pies a week. I got an excellent

101
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:49,050
deal. Oh, you did, huh? But what are we
going to do with these?

102
00:05:49,051 --> 00:05:52,279
We could have a celebrity pie -eating
contest. Just picture it. Three dozen of

103
00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:56,190
today's hottest stars wolfing down pies
for charity. Who can we get? Shirley,

104
00:05:56,220 --> 00:05:57,660
get me Harry Long on the phone.

105
00:05:58,060 --> 00:05:59,440
Shirley, give me these pies.

106
00:05:59,820 --> 00:06:00,900
But they're so appley.

107
00:06:01,140 --> 00:06:02,520
Shirley. Hi, Captain.

108
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:05,450
Pie's got to come.

109
00:06:11,740 --> 00:06:12,880
Uh, hello?

110
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:15,260
Good morning, Mr. Stevens.

111
00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:16,770
Oh, good...

112
00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:21,419
Do we... Have we... Edward, say hello to
Miss Beverly Germain, or as I like to

113
00:06:21,420 --> 00:06:22,660
call her, Super Frankie.

114
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,100
I'm sorry? I found you a new law
partner.

115
00:06:28,100 --> 00:06:29,150
You're a lawyer?

116
00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:32,560
Before this, I worked at Photomat, but I
like to try new things.

117
00:06:35,060 --> 00:06:36,540
I... Excuse me.

118
00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:38,570
Keep that.

119
00:06:38,571 --> 00:06:41,919
Bosco, you're very, very welcome, but
just so you know, she's got an eight

120
00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:44,659
-old kid at home, so caveat emptor, if
you hear what I'm saying. What's the

121
00:06:44,660 --> 00:06:45,449
matter with you?

122
00:06:45,450 --> 00:06:47,869
Don't you want a new partner? If I had a
nickel for every time I heard you say

123
00:06:47,870 --> 00:06:51,089
you'd be lost without Frankie, I would
have, like, four nickels.

124
00:06:51,090 --> 00:06:53,129
All right, look, I'll tell you what. You
really want to help?

125
00:06:53,130 --> 00:06:56,030
Go ahead. Set up some interviews with
actual lawyers.

126
00:06:56,510 --> 00:06:57,560
Actual lawyers.

127
00:06:57,930 --> 00:06:59,310
Interesting. You know what?

128
00:06:59,311 --> 00:07:02,369
Better still, see if anyone's willing to
come down and work on a trial basis.

129
00:07:02,370 --> 00:07:06,069
That way I'll be really able to see if
we can work together. What's the matter?

130
00:07:06,070 --> 00:07:09,440
I don't really want to help you. I just
want to stare at Super Frankie.

131
00:07:12,691 --> 00:07:19,219
It's not too late, Nancy. We can just
get in the car and go back home. Don't

132
00:07:19,220 --> 00:07:22,279
even think about it. We're getting a
dog. I don't want a dog. Of course you

133
00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:24,390
a dog. I think you have me confused with
you.

134
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:27,710
Possible. You are large and goofy,
whereas I am wee and adorable.

135
00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:32,919
Seriously, honey, dogs are so much work.
Can't we just get a hamster? It's not

136
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,210
hamster. It's hamster. There's no P in
the word.

137
00:07:35,460 --> 00:07:37,570
All right, whatever. Says yes to a
hamster.

138
00:07:37,740 --> 00:07:42,800
You must be the Burtons. Hey, welcome to
Gideon Mandel's doggy paradise.

139
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:44,090
Come on up.

140
00:07:50,350 --> 00:07:51,930
Oh, my God, they're so cute.

141
00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:56,269
Yes, I've got all sorts of wonderful fur
babies to choose from. So what are you

142
00:07:56,270 --> 00:07:59,269
looking for? I don't know, Nance. What
kind of fur baby are we looking for?

143
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,970
Gosh, I don't even... Big or small, dog
or bitch?

144
00:08:02,870 --> 00:08:07,989
I guess maybe a bitch? It's all right to
say it. That's the proper term for a

145
00:08:07,990 --> 00:08:10,280
girl. What about biatch? Is that
acceptable?

146
00:08:10,430 --> 00:08:11,480
Ignore him.

147
00:08:11,890 --> 00:08:12,940
Hello, fuzzy.

148
00:08:12,950 --> 00:08:16,809
Oh, who's this little one? Oh, that's
Butch. What's the bitch? What is she, a

149
00:08:16,810 --> 00:08:19,250
lesbian? You are a silly man, aren't
you?

150
00:08:19,730 --> 00:08:20,870
Butch is a boy.

151
00:08:22,630 --> 00:08:25,510
Oh, he's adorable.

152
00:08:26,210 --> 00:08:27,410
Look at him, Mike.

153
00:08:27,750 --> 00:08:31,570
Much for Butch. For this perfect,
healthy, 100 % purebred wire -haired

154
00:08:31,690 --> 00:08:32,950
$1 ,000 even.

155
00:08:33,250 --> 00:08:36,440
Seriously? I could get one just like it
at the pet store for $150.

156
00:08:36,610 --> 00:08:41,210
Not likely, Dr. Burton. You won't find a
dog of Butch's lineage just anywhere.

157
00:08:41,570 --> 00:08:45,000
Lineage? Come on, I'm trying to buy a
dog. I'm with the Prince of Wales.

158
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,950
$500. That'll only get you the half that
poops.

159
00:08:48,550 --> 00:08:50,410
I suggest you spring for the whole dog.

160
00:08:50,610 --> 00:08:52,150
Come on, Mike, let's just do it.

161
00:08:53,010 --> 00:08:54,130
I love him.

162
00:08:54,690 --> 00:08:56,030
Yeah, you take credit.

163
00:09:00,050 --> 00:09:04,369
Hey. Hi, Butch, Butch, Butch. He's so
cute. His name is Butch? His name's

164
00:09:04,370 --> 00:09:05,420
Willie. What?

165
00:09:05,421 --> 00:09:08,689
Why should we let that weird -ass
breeder name our dog? I want to name my

166
00:09:08,690 --> 00:09:10,990
dog. But, honey, I like Butch. Hey,
Willie.

167
00:09:11,410 --> 00:09:12,460
Oh, God.

168
00:09:12,461 --> 00:09:14,059
All right, let's compromise.

169
00:09:14,060 --> 00:09:15,740
We'll call him Willie Wood.

170
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,000
People are insane.

171
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:23,640
Hey, this new doggy. Nice work, you
guys.

172
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:27,640
Hey, Molly. Hey, Nancy. Hey, Carol. Hi.

173
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:36,500
Is that weird for everybody?

174
00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:37,770
Yeah, kind of.

175
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:46,189
Nice shot.

176
00:09:46,190 --> 00:09:47,240
Thanks.

177
00:09:51,870 --> 00:09:53,350
Hey, Carol.

178
00:09:54,570 --> 00:09:55,620
Yeah?

179
00:09:55,621 --> 00:09:57,789
You know Neil Patrick Harris?

180
00:09:57,790 --> 00:10:00,920
Doogie Howser. Yeah, Doogie Howser. I
love him. Yeah, he's great.

181
00:10:00,921 --> 00:10:05,149
Do you think when Neil Patrick Harris
goes into a party and he meets someone,

182
00:10:05,150 --> 00:10:07,069
says, Hi, I'm Neil Patrick Harris, or do
you think he just says, Hi, I'm Neil

183
00:10:07,070 --> 00:10:08,120
Harris?

184
00:10:09,530 --> 00:10:10,580
I don't know.

185
00:10:13,270 --> 00:10:15,070
But he just says, Hi, I'm Neil Harris.

186
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,600
Why is this so awkward? It's awkward.

187
00:10:19,601 --> 00:10:22,159
It's awkward. A little bit awkward.
Yeah, it's awkward. But you know what? I

188
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:24,579
think that's fine. I think that's
normal. We're undergoing a transition

189
00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:25,900
all, so I think it's normal.

190
00:10:25,901 --> 00:10:27,639
So what do we do?

191
00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:28,840
I want to feel normal.

192
00:10:29,260 --> 00:10:34,019
But if we act too normal, we won't feel
couple -y. And if we act couple -y, then

193
00:10:34,020 --> 00:10:35,070
we won't feel normal.

194
00:10:35,540 --> 00:10:36,590
That's a good point.

195
00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:39,780
Here's what I say we do.

196
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:41,240
Here's what I say we do.

197
00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:42,959
We tackle this whole thing head -on.

198
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,020
Head -on, you know?

199
00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:47,370
And because of that, I'm hereby inviting
you out on a date.

200
00:10:47,371 --> 00:10:50,999
A date? That's right, a date. A date. A
real date. Not like last night, but a

201
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:53,619
real date. A formal date to help kick
off our relationship in stealth. I'll

202
00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:55,579
you up tomorrow night. What do you say?
I mean, it'll be fun. It'll be great.

203
00:10:55,580 --> 00:10:57,339
It'll be great. We'll have a great time.
We'll know how to act. We've both been

204
00:10:57,340 --> 00:10:59,539
on dates before, right? So, what do you
think?

205
00:10:59,540 --> 00:11:00,880
Yeah. Okay. Okay, good.

206
00:11:00,881 --> 00:11:01,719
Okay, good.

207
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:03,279
This is going to be awesome. Okay. I
like it.

208
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,479
Okay. Okay. So, I'll see you tomorrow
night. Yeah.

209
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:06,530
Definitely. Okay.

210
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:07,840
Okay. Ow.

211
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:09,170
Sorry. Okay.

212
00:11:15,180 --> 00:11:18,550
I think we need a way to signal each
other if we're going to go in for a

213
00:11:18,860 --> 00:11:19,910
7045. Sounds good.

214
00:11:28,380 --> 00:11:29,430
Oh,

215
00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:36,180
Mike, there's a poop under the chair.

216
00:11:36,580 --> 00:11:37,630
Wasn't me.

217
00:11:37,631 --> 00:11:41,719
I'll clean it up, but I want to see you
start disciplining Willie Butch. It's

218
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:42,479
too late.

219
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:43,530
What do you mean?

220
00:11:43,531 --> 00:11:46,779
And you have to yell at him right when
he's pooping, otherwise it doesn't sink

221
00:11:46,780 --> 00:11:49,190
in. Well, that's not what the training
book says.

222
00:11:49,460 --> 00:11:54,399
Well, it says right here in the stuff we
got from the vet that, uh, where's the

223
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:55,279
pooping info?

224
00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:57,400
Um, pooping info.

225
00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:01,840
What the hell, Nancy? See this?

226
00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:05,100
What? This note from the vet. Did you
read it?

227
00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:07,340
I don't know. What's it say?

228
00:12:08,180 --> 00:12:11,280
Dog is most likely part wire -haired
terrier.

229
00:12:11,820 --> 00:12:18,600
But not purebred is indicated by
tapering of snout and curvature of tail.

230
00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:21,640
Well, we got a bum dog. That's what. I
don't believe this.

231
00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:23,019
Well, that can't be right.

232
00:12:23,020 --> 00:12:25,670
I knew I didn't trust that bastard. A
thousand bucks?

233
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:31,160
I paid for the caviar of dogs, and he
sold us a can of Starkist of dogs.

234
00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:32,980
I'm calling Ed. I'm going to sue.

235
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:34,460
No, honey, you can't.

236
00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:36,460
Willie Bush, no poo!

237
00:12:36,780 --> 00:12:37,830
No poo!

238
00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:39,350
It's unbelievable.

239
00:12:39,351 --> 00:12:40,579
You called the breeder yet?

240
00:12:40,580 --> 00:12:43,879
No, no. I wanted to talk to you first.
What should we do? Well, okay, we should

241
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:49,220
start by... Actually, Mr. Henderson, say
you were my partner.

242
00:12:49,221 --> 00:12:51,559
How would you recommend we handle this
case?

243
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:55,079
Well, I suppose we could visit the
breeder and intimidate him into giving

244
00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:56,160
Burton his money back.

245
00:12:56,161 --> 00:12:58,019
Mm -hmm. Would you be comfortable doing
this?

246
00:12:58,020 --> 00:12:59,070
Certainly.

247
00:12:59,420 --> 00:13:00,470
Let me see a little.

248
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:01,650
A little what?

249
00:13:01,660 --> 00:13:02,960
Intimidation. Right now?

250
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:04,290
Please.

251
00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:05,770
Oh, okay.

252
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:07,220
Who should I intimidate?

253
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:09,130
Dr. Burton.

254
00:13:15,790 --> 00:13:17,410
You, sir, have committed a fraud.

255
00:13:17,550 --> 00:13:20,380
Refund our money or there will be
serious consequences.

256
00:13:24,490 --> 00:13:25,540
I'm not intimidated.

257
00:13:27,870 --> 00:13:31,030
Do you have any idea who you're dealing
with?

258
00:13:33,610 --> 00:13:34,750
Still not intimidated.

259
00:13:53,121 --> 00:13:58,149
No one ever told you that you resemble a
young Cary Grant.

260
00:13:58,150 --> 00:14:00,729
That is, of course, if Cary Grant had
been a black man in a wheelchair.

261
00:14:00,730 --> 00:14:02,209
Please tell me you didn't buy any more
pies.

262
00:14:02,210 --> 00:14:04,909
I didn't buy more pies. You bought more
pies. Yes, a lot more.

263
00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:07,049
Shirley, I told you to return the ones
we already had.

264
00:14:07,050 --> 00:14:08,100
I got a better deal.

265
00:14:08,101 --> 00:14:11,789
You got a better deal. Yes, the pie lady
gave me an even steeper discount than I

266
00:14:11,790 --> 00:14:14,749
got on the first batch. At this price,
the pies were well nigh irresistible.

267
00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:17,689
the hell is this pie lady? What is she,
some kind of pie hypnotist?

268
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,029
Yo, you know what? You need to get home,
girl, and help Paul sit down.

269
00:14:20,030 --> 00:14:21,530
I will contact homegirl and me.

270
00:14:26,430 --> 00:14:30,649
Hey, listen, Sparky, you really got to
help me set up for tonight. Which level

271
00:14:30,650 --> 00:14:32,109
of lighting do you think is most
romantic?

272
00:14:32,110 --> 00:14:33,160
This?

273
00:14:33,430 --> 00:14:34,480
This?

274
00:14:34,970 --> 00:14:36,020
This?

275
00:14:36,570 --> 00:14:37,620
Or this?

276
00:14:37,621 --> 00:14:39,029
What do you think about this?

277
00:14:39,030 --> 00:14:40,290
Get your hand off my thigh.

278
00:14:40,590 --> 00:14:41,640
I like this.

279
00:14:41,641 --> 00:14:42,649
This is good, right?

280
00:14:42,650 --> 00:14:43,700
It's fantastic.

281
00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:48,240
Salesman.

282
00:14:48,241 --> 00:14:50,729
What do you think about this shirt, huh?
What do you think about this bad boy?

283
00:14:50,730 --> 00:14:51,729
No way.

284
00:14:51,730 --> 00:14:52,749
Hawaiian shirts are in.

285
00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:53,709
Yeah, you look like Mr.

286
00:14:53,710 --> 00:14:54,760
Furley. Yeah.

287
00:14:56,110 --> 00:14:57,370
You're taking her anyway.

288
00:14:58,890 --> 00:14:59,940
That's it?

289
00:15:00,370 --> 00:15:05,750
Yeah, but you can't go right to dinner.
You need an icebreaker first.

290
00:15:06,250 --> 00:15:10,689
What? You know, an activity. Something
to loosen you up. You ever watch those

291
00:15:10,690 --> 00:15:11,740
dating shows?

292
00:15:11,850 --> 00:15:16,190
They don't just go out to eat. They go
skydiving or play highlier.

293
00:15:16,430 --> 00:15:18,870
Break the ice.

294
00:15:19,270 --> 00:15:20,610
Break the ice there, pal.

295
00:15:20,950 --> 00:15:22,390
We've been friends for years.

296
00:15:22,391 --> 00:15:24,369
I think you're making a huge mistake.

297
00:15:24,370 --> 00:15:28,220
Oh, I'll be fine there, Lefty. Here, let
me wear this shirt. Is this something?

298
00:15:29,110 --> 00:15:32,900
I'd love to continue this conversation,
but I'm afraid I'm not homosexual.

299
00:15:37,630 --> 00:15:38,680
How's your lobster?

300
00:15:39,050 --> 00:15:40,100
Great. Mine too.

301
00:15:40,450 --> 00:15:41,500
Great.

302
00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:58,239
Hey, say, you think when a lobster prays
to God, he envisions God like this

303
00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,040
really big, huge lobster in the sky?

304
00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:02,740
Probably not the sky, no.

305
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:04,460
Oh, right.

306
00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,060
Lobsters need water to breathe.

307
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:15,679
We're talking about an omnipotent
lobster. He can probably breathe

308
00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:16,730
wants.

309
00:16:18,700 --> 00:16:19,750
Dreaming?

310
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:43,530
You comfortable?

311
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:45,090
Uh -huh.

312
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:50,320
Did I get you a beverage?

313
00:16:50,321 --> 00:16:51,439
No, I'm good.

314
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:54,379
Really? Because, you know, I got this
hip new kind of flavored vodka. You

315
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:57,300
it's supposed to taste like tequila.

316
00:16:57,301 --> 00:17:01,219
Begging the question, why wouldn't you
just, you know, drink tequila, you know?

317
00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:04,400
A question for which there is truly no
good answer.

318
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,338
I had a really good time tonight.

319
00:17:14,339 --> 00:17:15,389
Sure.

320
00:17:15,980 --> 00:17:17,060
But I'm a little tired.

321
00:17:18,319 --> 00:17:19,369
It's only 9 .30.

322
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:21,350
I should go home.

323
00:17:21,351 --> 00:17:23,259
Because you're tired.

324
00:17:23,260 --> 00:17:25,599
Sorry. No, no, please, you know.

325
00:17:25,980 --> 00:17:27,780
No, when you're tired, you're tired.

326
00:17:31,921 --> 00:17:34,159
So I'll see you tomorrow.

327
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:35,210
See you tomorrow.

328
00:17:37,260 --> 00:17:38,380
I should go home.

329
00:17:44,110 --> 00:17:46,290
Good night. On guard. Oh, yes, on guard.

330
00:17:47,430 --> 00:17:48,480
Right.

331
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:17,270
go to law school? Went to Stanford. It's
a great, great time. Oh, wow.

332
00:18:17,271 --> 00:18:19,599
I'm impressed. It's a fantastic school.

333
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:20,860
Hey, best in Connecticut.

334
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:25,840
In Stanford, not Stanford.

335
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:30,040
Oh, what about Yale?

336
00:18:30,041 --> 00:18:31,959
Yale's in Connecticut.

337
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:35,019
Yeah, six of one, half dozen the other.
They're both terrific.

338
00:18:35,020 --> 00:18:39,760
Say hello to the world's cutest
dachshund. This is Mr.

339
00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:42,460
Bojangles. Actually, we're attorneys.

340
00:18:43,340 --> 00:18:45,080
Oh, so perhaps a Doberman instead?

341
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:50,080
I love the lawyer jokes.

342
00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:51,940
You know, my favorite is the one.

343
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:58,139
How did the... Yeah, I'm blanking. But
it's something about a shark and

344
00:18:58,140 --> 00:19:00,520
professional courtesy or something.
Okay.

345
00:19:01,020 --> 00:19:04,520
Mr. Mandel, I represent Dr. and Mrs.
Burton. You sold them a dog recently.

346
00:19:04,521 --> 00:19:08,279
Now, the Burtons are seeking
compensatory damages in the amount of

347
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:12,279
you misrepresented the dog. You sold
them. Mr. Mandel, you represented a

348
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:13,319
of dog.

349
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:16,810
That turned out not to be the quality of
dogs that you sold the Burtons.

350
00:19:16,980 --> 00:19:20,760
So they'd like $850 back to compensate
for that misrepresentation.

351
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:24,979
I don't know what all this Broadway
ballyhoo is about, but if the Burtons

352
00:19:24,980 --> 00:19:27,739
really unhappy, bring back Butch and
I'll give them back their money.

353
00:19:27,740 --> 00:19:29,179
Great, wrap it up and we'll take it.

354
00:19:29,180 --> 00:19:32,879
Actually... My clients prefer to keep
the dog and get the refund. Wrap it up

355
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:36,139
we'll take it to the garbage and throw
it out. Our clients want to keep the dog

356
00:19:36,140 --> 00:19:37,079
and get a refund.

357
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:41,080
Sorry, no doggy can do. Why not? Because
once you let one doggy lick himself,

358
00:19:41,081 --> 00:19:43,139
then they'll all start doing it. You
know something?

359
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:44,260
That is so true.

360
00:19:44,261 --> 00:19:48,439
We had this little Pomeranian named Gus,
and I'm telling you, that little guy

361
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,730
used to go to town down there any time
he... Fred!

362
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:52,490
Sorry.

363
00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:54,199
It's not a story from its company.

364
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,660
I won't give them the money and the dog.
Fine.

365
00:19:57,020 --> 00:19:58,760
Then I guess we'll speak again soon.

366
00:19:59,060 --> 00:20:01,050
So... Anybody up for lunch at
Bennigan's?

367
00:20:01,051 --> 00:20:08,059
You figured out what you're going to say
to her yet? Yeah, I'm going to say,

368
00:20:08,060 --> 00:20:09,560
lady, take your damn pies back.

369
00:20:09,980 --> 00:20:11,960
You want me to handle the negotiations?

370
00:20:12,780 --> 00:20:15,310
Negotiations? That's how the chick on
CNN says it.

371
00:20:15,311 --> 00:20:17,259
Here she comes, fellas.

372
00:20:17,260 --> 00:20:20,419
Hit it, hit it, hit it. I better stay.
You don't have a lot of street smarts

373
00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:21,500
an African -American.

374
00:20:22,571 --> 00:20:27,199
I'm looking for Shirley. She said
there's a problem.

375
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,499
Oh, I'm sorry, baby, but there won't be
no Shirley today.

376
00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:32,319
So you step it up to some major league
pitching now. Be a little harder when

377
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:35,810
cross the Mendoza line with Eli
Cartwright. God, he's the third on the

378
00:20:36,180 --> 00:20:37,960
So, what's the problem?

379
00:20:38,420 --> 00:20:40,160
What'd you say your name was again?

380
00:20:40,220 --> 00:20:41,270
Jennifer Young.

381
00:20:41,500 --> 00:20:42,550
Jennifer.

382
00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:44,000
Don't be so coy, Jennifer.

383
00:20:44,220 --> 00:20:45,760
The number 83 is the problem.

384
00:20:46,180 --> 00:20:50,090
I mean, we as humans are designed to buy
and sell things in certain increments.

385
00:20:50,260 --> 00:20:53,100
Two, three, six, even a dozen.

386
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:54,530
83.

387
00:20:54,531 --> 00:20:58,239
Come on, now. That number 83 sounds like
someone's taking advantage of my little

388
00:20:58,240 --> 00:20:59,320
Shirley, if you ask me.

389
00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:01,920
How many pies do you want to keep?

390
00:21:02,220 --> 00:21:03,600
The customers love them.

391
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,460
Seven? Great. I'll take 76 back.

392
00:21:07,420 --> 00:21:09,220
Here's your money. Where are my pies?

393
00:21:09,851 --> 00:21:16,699
You think Willie Butch understands that
I'm a human, or do you think he just

394
00:21:16,700 --> 00:21:19,050
thinks I'm a giant dog who's really
talented?

395
00:21:19,051 --> 00:21:20,799
Why would he think you're really
talented?

396
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:24,679
Well, he sees me walking on two legs,
speaking English. Earlier, he saw me

397
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:27,750
operate Windows 98. I think I'm
impressing the hell out of him.

398
00:21:28,260 --> 00:21:29,700
Let me ask you guys something.

399
00:21:29,701 --> 00:21:31,699
I'm not a hideous -looking man, am I?

400
00:21:31,700 --> 00:21:34,350
Eddie, what are you talking about?
You're adorable.

401
00:21:34,351 --> 00:21:36,999
Sounds like somebody didn't get any
schmoodle the other night.

402
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,759
Schmoodle? Is that what guys are calling
it these days? You can pretty much say

403
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:42,379
anything there. Somebody didn't get any
flabidity fluts. See?

404
00:21:42,380 --> 00:21:43,430
I married you. Why?

405
00:21:43,431 --> 00:21:45,399
It's painful, as it is to admit.

406
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:48,039
Little Dr. Phil over there is actually
right. I sure didn't get any flabbity

407
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,049
schmoodle the other night.

408
00:21:49,050 --> 00:21:50,100
Fability floods.

409
00:21:50,101 --> 00:21:52,049
See, why would Carol want to stay over?

410
00:21:52,050 --> 00:21:55,229
Eddie, you and Carol together. You know,
it takes some getting used to.

411
00:21:55,230 --> 00:21:58,109
It's like when McDonald's introduced the
McDLT. Nobody knew what the hell to do

412
00:21:58,110 --> 00:21:58,849
right away.

413
00:21:58,850 --> 00:22:01,310
Hot side hot, cool side cool. That was
confusing.

414
00:22:01,311 --> 00:22:03,709
If I'm not mistaken, I believe the McDLT
failed.

415
00:22:03,710 --> 00:22:07,129
I think what Nancy's trying to say is
that men are from Mars and women are

416
00:22:07,130 --> 00:22:09,889
Venus. No, that's not what I'm trying to
say. I know, but if I act like a dope,

417
00:22:09,890 --> 00:22:11,229
we'll shorten the conversation.

418
00:22:11,230 --> 00:22:13,789
No, maybe this thing doesn't work, you
know? It's like we're not clicking

419
00:22:13,790 --> 00:22:14,840
somehow.

420
00:22:15,530 --> 00:22:17,940
Eddie, you and Carol spent the last
three years...

421
00:22:17,941 --> 00:22:21,009
metaphorically and literally dressing up
as knights in shining armor for each

422
00:22:21,010 --> 00:22:23,190
other. I mean, it's a lot to live up to.

423
00:22:24,890 --> 00:22:25,940
Yeah, I guess so.

424
00:22:27,630 --> 00:22:31,420
Everything will be solved once you two
finally get together in Shaloo -bee

425
00:22:35,630 --> 00:22:37,070
That one doesn't really work.

426
00:22:37,350 --> 00:22:39,150
It's too much like Scooby -Doo. Yeah?

427
00:22:45,030 --> 00:22:47,440
I need to know what the heck you're
doing with Ed.

428
00:22:47,540 --> 00:22:50,190
What? Nancy told me you didn't stay over
at his house.

429
00:22:50,191 --> 00:22:52,079
Why is this everybody's business?

430
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:56,580
Hey, hey, I have had to sit through
three years of boring psychological

431
00:22:56,581 --> 00:22:59,199
Don't even think for a second that you
were going to cut me out of the juicy

432
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:02,450
part. Look, I didn't stay over at his
house. It's no big deal, okay?

433
00:23:02,540 --> 00:23:03,900
Yes, it is a big deal.

434
00:23:03,901 --> 00:23:07,419
And as a great guy, the two of you are
finally together. You should be doing it

435
00:23:07,420 --> 00:23:08,470
like Badger.

436
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:10,560
Badger, I meant funny.

437
00:23:11,180 --> 00:23:12,230
I can't.

438
00:23:12,231 --> 00:23:13,199
Why not?

439
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:14,800
Because. Because why?

440
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:17,340
Because it won't live up to the hype.

441
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:19,380
Hype? What hype?

442
00:23:19,381 --> 00:23:21,459
The hype, the hype, the expectations.

443
00:23:21,460 --> 00:23:25,039
Three years of ups and downs and ins and
outs and the waiting, my God, and all

444
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:28,230
culminates in this one moment. It's just
too much. I can't take it.

445
00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:32,880
Care to expound?

446
00:23:33,300 --> 00:23:34,350
Yeah.

447
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:36,680
When you put it like that.

448
00:23:37,340 --> 00:23:39,420
Carol, this is the one.

449
00:23:39,860 --> 00:23:41,900
For once in your life, stop thinking.

450
00:23:44,970 --> 00:23:47,030
And stop talking.

451
00:23:50,490 --> 00:23:52,410
It's going to be fine. Trust me.

452
00:24:02,810 --> 00:24:03,860
Hey.

453
00:24:13,621 --> 00:24:15,629
Why wouldn't I?

454
00:24:15,630 --> 00:24:16,830
I can bowl anytime I want.

455
00:24:16,831 --> 00:24:19,629
Let's face it, that's the real reason I
bought the alley?

456
00:24:19,630 --> 00:24:20,680
Uh -huh.

457
00:24:21,130 --> 00:24:23,600
It's not the reason you bought the
bowling alley.

458
00:24:23,670 --> 00:24:24,720
It isn't?

459
00:24:25,290 --> 00:24:26,340
No.

460
00:24:26,341 --> 00:24:30,609
The reason you bought the bowling alley
is because that night you came to

461
00:24:30,610 --> 00:24:31,660
Stuckyville?

462
00:24:32,530 --> 00:24:34,030
And you and I stood by the pond?

463
00:24:42,590 --> 00:24:44,700
That and the fact I can bowl anytime I
want.

464
00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:47,410
Come with me.

465
00:24:48,420 --> 00:24:49,560
A surprise for you.

466
00:24:59,220 --> 00:25:01,440
Oh, this is delicious fried chicken.

467
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:03,530
It's a family recipe.

468
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:05,490
Really?

469
00:25:05,491 --> 00:25:08,039
If I didn't know you could make fried
chicken like this, I would have come to

470
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,259
town out of the blue, tracked you down,
and pursued your relentlessly for three

471
00:25:10,260 --> 00:25:11,310
years.

472
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:12,620
I got it at the deli.

473
00:25:12,621 --> 00:25:14,989
But it's always a family recipe.

474
00:25:14,990 --> 00:25:16,040
It is.

475
00:25:16,590 --> 00:25:17,640
Not my family.

476
00:25:18,230 --> 00:25:19,280
Nice.

477
00:25:19,690 --> 00:25:20,740
Very honest.

478
00:25:22,530 --> 00:25:23,580
Ed. Yeah.

479
00:25:24,610 --> 00:25:26,530
I'm really sorry about the other night.

480
00:25:27,550 --> 00:25:28,930
What about the other night?

481
00:25:29,290 --> 00:25:30,340
At your house.

482
00:25:30,870 --> 00:25:33,220
Sorry, I don't know what you're talking
about.

483
00:25:33,221 --> 00:25:34,049
It's me.

484
00:25:34,050 --> 00:25:37,360
Okay, all right. I know what you're
talking about. You don't have to

485
00:25:37,870 --> 00:25:40,010
I think I was just...

486
00:25:40,541 --> 00:25:42,449
Jitters, you know.

487
00:25:42,450 --> 00:25:44,130
It's fine, really, it's fine. It is.

488
00:25:44,310 --> 00:25:45,510
It's fine, I understand.

489
00:25:50,130 --> 00:25:51,180
Ed. Mm -hmm?

490
00:25:53,690 --> 00:25:55,670
Do you know what I'm thinking right now?

491
00:26:00,630 --> 00:26:02,800
How does arena football stay in
business?

492
00:26:02,810 --> 00:26:03,860
I don't know.

493
00:26:06,390 --> 00:26:08,560
When will the Cold War come to an end?
Uh -uh.

494
00:26:08,561 --> 00:26:11,519
Why would Newt Gingrich's parents name a
baby Newt?

495
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:13,930
It's going to go on forever, right? It's
who I am.

496
00:26:14,500 --> 00:26:18,859
I was thinking that whereas the other
night I was feeling very jittery, right

497
00:26:18,860 --> 00:26:21,660
now I'm feeling very, very un -jittery.

498
00:26:25,620 --> 00:26:26,670
Really?

499
00:26:26,671 --> 00:26:29,319
Well, then, you know what I'm thinking
right now?

500
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:32,580
With the cap of North Dakota, I am not
as good at this as you are.

501
00:26:34,060 --> 00:26:36,680
I'm thinking, come with me.

502
00:26:56,491 --> 00:27:02,939
You're sure about this, right? I mean,
because I don't want you to do anything

503
00:27:02,940 --> 00:27:04,040
you're not sure about.

504
00:27:06,300 --> 00:27:07,980
Well, Ed... Actually, you know what?

505
00:27:07,981 --> 00:27:11,019
Forget it. Let's not even discuss this.
I'm just being polite. Because it's a

506
00:27:11,020 --> 00:27:14,159
formality, I think. It's a mere
formality. Because I think you're sure,

507
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:17,239
I mean, you're sure. Of course you're
sure. You're sure. You're sure.

508
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:19,280
You're sure. You're smiling.

509
00:27:19,700 --> 00:27:23,679
Why are you smiling? You're smiling.
You're smiling because you're sure.

510
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:25,719
smiling because you're sure. You're
sure. You're sure.

511
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:26,770
She's sure!

512
00:27:27,260 --> 00:27:28,310
Oh.

513
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:29,640
What? What if I'm not sure?

514
00:27:30,110 --> 00:27:31,160
I am, I'm sure.

515
00:27:40,531 --> 00:27:44,149
It's kind of awkward, isn't it? Oh, no.

516
00:27:44,150 --> 00:27:45,200
Not awkward at all.

517
00:27:47,770 --> 00:27:48,890
What if we don't...

518
00:28:36,210 --> 00:28:37,530
Are you saying it was bad?

519
00:28:37,730 --> 00:28:39,590
I'm saying it wasn't amazing.

520
00:28:39,591 --> 00:28:42,609
How could it not be amazing? I don't
know, Molly. It's like you have all the

521
00:28:42,610 --> 00:28:45,369
ingredients for the world's greatest
Thanksgiving dinner, and you cook all

522
00:28:45,370 --> 00:28:48,749
food exactly the way you should, but for
some reason the turkey comes out dry,

523
00:28:48,750 --> 00:28:50,710
and the gravy's all starchy.

524
00:28:50,711 --> 00:28:54,609
Have you two ever actually tried to use
gravy? Because I hear it can be

525
00:28:54,610 --> 00:28:55,660
really...

526
00:28:57,100 --> 00:28:58,500
You're wrapping me now?

527
00:28:58,501 --> 00:29:01,719
This isn't sex in the city. It's my
life, and it's falling apart.

528
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:03,520
Okay, your life is not falling apart.

529
00:29:03,521 --> 00:29:04,519
It's easy for you to say.

530
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:05,600
Carol, stop thinking.

531
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:07,540
Carol, don't talk so much.

532
00:29:07,541 --> 00:29:10,639
Carol, it'll all be fine. Trust me. Just
go and have some really bad sex with

533
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:12,560
Ed. Because that's Jordan's shaky list.

534
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:14,680
I never said that last part.

535
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:16,010
It was implied.

536
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:20,780
By the way, it's sex and the city. You
said sex in the city.

537
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:23,100
All right, go ahead.

538
00:29:29,941 --> 00:29:31,929
What did you say?

539
00:29:31,930 --> 00:29:35,329
What could I say? I said it was really
amazing. No, it wasn't amazing. Right,

540
00:29:35,330 --> 00:29:38,669
was completely un -amazing, but she said
that was amazing, so I said that was

541
00:29:38,670 --> 00:29:39,469
really amazing.

542
00:29:39,470 --> 00:29:40,630
Wow. Yeah.

543
00:29:40,631 --> 00:29:44,849
This is one of my patients gave me this
little pamphlet he got in Hong Kong.

544
00:29:44,850 --> 00:29:48,749
It's kind of a gag gift, but we're
trying a few of the moves. Guy, you and

545
00:29:48,750 --> 00:29:50,959
both know my performance in the sack is
not an issue.

546
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:53,579
How would I know that? It's not about
technique, okay? It's about chemistry.

547
00:29:53,580 --> 00:29:54,359
It's about chemistry.

548
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:56,739
Let's go back. I'm still not comfortable
with that other sentence.

549
00:29:56,740 --> 00:29:59,559
How could it be after three years of
anticipation, nay, 20 years of

550
00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:02,500
anticipation, we get together and...
Duh.

551
00:30:02,501 --> 00:30:05,439
I don't mean to harp on this, but can we
just be clear that I have no actual

552
00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:06,839
knowledge base for you in bed?

553
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:09,039
What's the matter with you? I just don't
like that hanging there. It kind of

554
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:10,399
gives me the heebie -jeebies.

555
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:12,020
Hey, what are you talking about?

556
00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:14,670
I was just saying... We're just talking
about the case.

557
00:30:14,820 --> 00:30:16,020
Come on, let's get going.

558
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:18,170
Tell me later. Yep.

559
00:30:18,481 --> 00:30:25,489
I'm thinking about getting one of those
Mike Tyson face tattoos, you know? Just

560
00:30:25,490 --> 00:30:27,050
kind of shake things up a little.

561
00:30:27,250 --> 00:30:30,450
Now, I've been experiencing some ennui.

562
00:30:30,451 --> 00:30:32,789
Damn, these women know how to make pie.

563
00:30:32,790 --> 00:30:35,680
Maybe I should legally change my name to
Gordy for a while.

564
00:30:36,270 --> 00:30:37,320
We're out of pies.

565
00:30:37,321 --> 00:30:38,229
Are you kidding?

566
00:30:38,230 --> 00:30:39,949
We went through seven pies in three
days?

567
00:30:39,950 --> 00:30:42,209
They're selling like hotcakes, except
they're pies.

568
00:30:42,210 --> 00:30:45,329
They are pies with the selling power of
hotcakes. It's the best of all worlds.

569
00:30:45,330 --> 00:30:48,089
I want you to get Jennifer Young, pie
lady extraordinaire, on the line. I want

570
00:30:48,090 --> 00:30:49,389
to order another dozen of pies.

571
00:30:49,390 --> 00:30:51,090
And that's 12 pies. A dozen.

572
00:30:51,091 --> 00:30:52,469
Not 83.

573
00:30:52,470 --> 00:30:53,710
Roger that. Hey.

574
00:30:55,110 --> 00:30:58,850
Why do they call them hotcakes anyway?
They're not hot. They're not cakes.

575
00:30:58,851 --> 00:31:00,689
Yes, they are.

576
00:31:00,690 --> 00:31:01,740
They are.

577
00:31:02,210 --> 00:31:05,460
Man, I thought I had the beginning of a
great stand -up back there.

578
00:31:05,690 --> 00:31:06,740
Damn.

579
00:31:08,070 --> 00:31:15,069
Is it possible, Mr. Mandel, that somehow
a mistake was made and the Burton's dog

580
00:31:15,070 --> 00:31:17,810
is not a full -bred wire -haired
terrier?

581
00:31:18,250 --> 00:31:19,300
Hey.

582
00:31:19,540 --> 00:31:21,720
You're dealing with dogs in heat.

583
00:31:22,100 --> 00:31:26,259
When it comes time to mate, they don't
much care whether they're partnered with

584
00:31:26,260 --> 00:31:29,120
a dog of their own breed or a 68 Impala.

585
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:31,950
But you do keep the wire -haired
terriers together.

586
00:31:34,140 --> 00:31:38,260
Ten bucks if you call the judge, Sally.

587
00:31:38,261 --> 00:31:42,279
I never saw anything like that. I'm in
the middle of a case. I'm in the middle

588
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:43,330
of your case.

589
00:31:43,331 --> 00:31:44,539
Ten bucks, huh? That's correct.

590
00:31:44,540 --> 00:31:48,199
And what did you offer to do? I told the
Burtons that if they were unhappy with

591
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:51,180
the dog, they should return it for a
full refund.

592
00:31:51,700 --> 00:31:53,040
Thank you, Your Honor.

593
00:31:53,900 --> 00:31:54,950
Mr. Stevens.

594
00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:56,330
Yes, sir.

595
00:31:57,380 --> 00:31:58,430
Mr.

596
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:02,980
Mandel, do you know a man named John
Campotaro?

597
00:32:02,981 --> 00:32:05,919
You don't have to look at your lawyer.

598
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:07,970
Mr. Mandel, you know whether you know
him.

599
00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:10,880
Yes, he owns a puppy farm. Puppy farm.

600
00:32:11,580 --> 00:32:12,800
Sales dogs to pet stores.

601
00:32:12,801 --> 00:32:16,939
Generally, they're dogs that are lower
quality than those of our breeders,

602
00:32:16,940 --> 00:32:18,120
correct? Yes.

603
00:32:18,121 --> 00:32:21,839
Is it true that you purchase some of
these lower -bred dogs from Compotaro's

604
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:25,450
Puppy Farms to sell as your own, in
addition to selling your own breeds?

605
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:30,570
I'm more than happy to have Mr.
Compotaro come in and testify if need

606
00:32:30,780 --> 00:32:35,279
Yes, but I only sell a few of those, and
I always tell the customer and charge

607
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:36,540
accordingly. Always.

608
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:38,610
Interesting.

609
00:32:38,611 --> 00:32:42,659
How many times in the past year have you
received complaints from people who

610
00:32:42,660 --> 00:32:45,559
believe they're buying a top -bred dog
only to discover they're buying a dog of

611
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:48,799
lower breeding? I can't tell you. I
tracked down 16 in the past year alone.

612
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,059
guessing there were more. So what?

613
00:32:50,060 --> 00:32:52,380
I always offered a full refund.

614
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:56,170
And of the 16 I tracked down, I wonder
how many took you up on that offer.

615
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:58,760
None, Mr. Mandel. Zero.

616
00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:03,360
Well, I guess they got attached to their
dogs. Not my fault. They got attached.

617
00:33:03,860 --> 00:33:04,920
They got attached.

618
00:33:05,300 --> 00:33:06,350
You know...

619
00:33:06,351 --> 00:33:08,449
They do get attached, don't they?

620
00:33:08,450 --> 00:33:11,529
Which is why you always wait a full week
before offering the refund so they'll

621
00:33:11,530 --> 00:33:15,320
get attached and won't take you up on
that offer. Isn't that true, Mr. Mandel?

622
00:33:16,190 --> 00:33:17,240
Nothing further.

623
00:33:17,330 --> 00:33:18,510
Thank you, Sally.

624
00:33:19,330 --> 00:33:20,890
Did you just call me Sally?

625
00:33:21,790 --> 00:33:22,840
No.

626
00:33:25,010 --> 00:33:26,060
All rise.

627
00:33:30,770 --> 00:33:31,820
Be seated.

628
00:33:33,310 --> 00:33:34,570
Mr. Mandel.

629
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:40,839
I believe that you are intentionally
passing off dogs from Capletero's puppy

630
00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:42,140
farm as your own.

631
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:44,960
And did so in the Burton case.

632
00:33:45,180 --> 00:33:49,540
This court orders you to pay the Burtons
$850.

633
00:33:53,660 --> 00:33:54,710
Jennifer,

634
00:33:57,940 --> 00:33:59,420
make her a pie.

635
00:33:59,421 --> 00:34:02,059
Shirley tells me you want to place an
order.

636
00:34:02,060 --> 00:34:05,179
Oh, no, I don't want to. I have to. My
lunch and my dinner crowd have been

637
00:34:05,180 --> 00:34:08,399
picking up since I've been serving them
Little Devil. How many do you want? I

638
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:09,720
just want a dozen. I'm sorry.

639
00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:12,530
Where are you going? I'm selling in
blocks of a hundred.

640
00:34:13,139 --> 00:34:19,319
What? See, we humans, we're designed to
buy in increments, and these pies are

641
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:22,859
selling in increments of a hundred. So
what you're saying is if I don't buy a

642
00:34:22,860 --> 00:34:25,390
hundred pies, you're not going to sell
me any pies.

643
00:34:25,391 --> 00:34:26,529
I'm Monty Hall.

644
00:34:26,530 --> 00:34:29,949
You're a contestant. Behind door number
one is a hundred pies.

645
00:34:30,210 --> 00:34:34,229
Behind door number two is zero pies.
Behind door number three is I start

646
00:34:34,230 --> 00:34:35,329
my pies to your competitors.

647
00:34:35,330 --> 00:34:37,380
What am I going to do with a hundred
pies?

648
00:34:37,650 --> 00:34:40,030
Freeze them, thaw them, tell them.

649
00:34:40,330 --> 00:34:42,250
Yo, that is pie blackmail.

650
00:34:42,510 --> 00:34:47,149
Old Eli Cartwright Goggins III is on the
mound now. I'm just struggling to get

651
00:34:47,150 --> 00:34:49,380
my pretty little self over the Mendoza
line.

652
00:34:50,489 --> 00:34:52,049
All right, Miss Jennifer Young.

653
00:34:52,219 --> 00:34:54,960
You got old Eli this time. All right,
give me 100 pies.

654
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,890
And don't go pulling them out all slow
either.

655
00:34:58,060 --> 00:35:00,520
One, two, three.

656
00:35:01,140 --> 00:35:03,310
That's like a dude with a slow home run
trap.

657
00:35:04,380 --> 00:35:05,430
Five.

658
00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:10,130
Six.

659
00:35:10,131 --> 00:35:14,939
I told you you should let me handle the
negotiations.

660
00:35:14,940 --> 00:35:17,879
How about I put my shoe up your butt?
Well, how would you even do that? I'll

661
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:18,930
my hand. Okay.

662
00:35:35,370 --> 00:35:36,990
You've been bowling a lot lately.

663
00:35:38,930 --> 00:35:39,980
Yeah.

664
00:35:40,590 --> 00:35:42,070
Yeah. Yeah, I love bowling.

665
00:35:42,071 --> 00:35:44,809
Straightforward. You know, roll the
ball, knock down the pins.

666
00:35:44,810 --> 00:35:46,790
Conflict and resolution in every frame.

667
00:35:51,590 --> 00:35:52,790
Ed. Yeah.

668
00:35:55,070 --> 00:35:57,110
The other night... No.

669
00:35:59,750 --> 00:36:00,800
I don't have to say it.

670
00:36:01,890 --> 00:36:02,940
We both know it.

671
00:36:03,130 --> 00:36:04,180
Oh.

672
00:36:04,230 --> 00:36:05,280
Oh.

673
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:16,060
This isn't working, is it? Not
swimmingly, no.

674
00:36:16,340 --> 00:36:17,390
Yeah.

675
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:28,939
You know, when I was in fifth grade,
there was a Stingray

676
00:36:28,940 --> 00:36:30,800
bicycle in the window of the bike shop.

677
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:36,959
Gold banana seat, black pom -poms on the
handlebars. I wanted that bike so

678
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:38,860
badly. It killed me.

679
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:52,299
And after some very serious and
persistent begging, my father finally

680
00:36:52,300 --> 00:36:53,380
me, and I was thrilled.

681
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:59,639
When I got it home and took it out for
that very first ride, I kind of realized

682
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:01,700
it was just an ordinary bike.

683
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:04,250
On the bike?

684
00:37:04,251 --> 00:37:07,359
On a bike that didn't live up to your
expectations?

685
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:08,410
No.

686
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:30,990
You think it's possible that you and I
were just meant to be friends?

687
00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:35,650
I don't know.

688
00:37:45,220 --> 00:37:46,270
Yeah.

689
00:37:47,260 --> 00:37:48,310
There's a problem.

690
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:49,370
What?

691
00:37:53,620 --> 00:37:56,270
The problem is I don't think I can be
friends with you.

692
00:37:58,700 --> 00:38:01,100
Why? Because I already got plenty of
friends.

693
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:20,490
What?

694
00:38:31,240 --> 00:38:37,859
empty sentiment that's what passes for
love these

695
00:38:37,860 --> 00:38:41,739
days and

696
00:38:41,740 --> 00:38:48,719
it won't take a miracle darling just
keep it real

697
00:38:48,720 --> 00:38:54,879
this world can make us cynical darling I
know how it feels

698
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:58,560
you took it too hard to say it on

699
00:39:09,260 --> 00:39:11,500
That's what passes for love.

700
00:39:13,720 --> 00:39:14,860
Guess what I did today?

701
00:39:15,420 --> 00:39:16,470
What's that?

702
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:18,140
I taught Willie Butch to talk.

703
00:39:18,380 --> 00:39:19,430
Is that right?

704
00:39:19,500 --> 00:39:23,700
Yep, I did. Check it out. Hey, Willie
Butch, talk to me, okay? Talk, talk.

705
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:25,980
Hey, Mike, listen.

706
00:39:26,620 --> 00:39:30,780
Seriously, aren't you glad that you got
me? I'm so cute and adorable.

707
00:39:31,180 --> 00:39:32,520
I'm not to call me Mike.

708
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:34,320
Well, why can't I call you Mike?

709
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:37,220
It's not appropriate. I'm your master.

710
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:38,940
What should I call you then?

711
00:39:39,230 --> 00:39:41,810
Can I call you Daddy?

712
00:39:42,470 --> 00:39:44,390
What do you think? Can I call you Daddy?

713
00:39:44,701 --> 00:39:46,689
Call me Dr.

714
00:39:46,690 --> 00:39:48,510
Burton. Let me call you Daddy.

715
00:39:48,990 --> 00:39:50,830
Well, stop pooping in the house.

716
00:39:51,510 --> 00:39:54,370
Well, in that case, come on over here,
son.

717
00:39:57,190 --> 00:39:58,240
Oh, hey.

718
00:39:58,350 --> 00:40:01,090
He's piddling right on me. Really?
What'd you know?

719
00:40:01,370 --> 00:40:03,230
He lied right to my face.

720
00:40:03,231 --> 00:40:05,229
Is that poop? You didn't say piddles.

721
00:40:05,230 --> 00:40:06,280
I just implied it.

722
00:40:10,250 --> 00:40:11,390
What the hell was that?

723
00:40:11,430 --> 00:40:12,480
I don't know.

724
00:40:12,481 --> 00:40:17,429
Remember the whole maybe we were just
meant to be friends thing?

725
00:40:17,430 --> 00:40:20,569
Yeah. We were never to speak of that
again. Never. It was forbidden.

726
00:40:20,570 --> 00:40:23,400
Yes, they do. I think we just took care
of that pretty well.

727
00:40:24,130 --> 00:40:30,790
Why was this time like this time and
last time was like last time?

728
00:40:30,791 --> 00:40:32,029
I don't know.

729
00:40:32,030 --> 00:40:32,989
I don't know.

730
00:40:32,990 --> 00:40:35,750
I guess this time we had nothing to
lose.

731
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:39,870
That night, Googled how to satisfy your
woman.

732
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:47,880
So, don't you say we're one and one?

733
00:40:48,540 --> 00:40:49,590
Oh, yeah.

734
00:40:51,800 --> 00:40:53,540
You want to make it two out of three?

735
00:40:55,100 --> 00:40:56,360
Let's go best out of seven.

736
00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:57,800
A hundred.

737
00:41:13,070 --> 00:41:15,550
The entire nation can lose its
innocence.

738
00:41:16,670 --> 00:41:17,720
One,

739
00:41:18,530 --> 00:41:23,670
two, three, hit it. The new season of
American Dreams.

740
00:41:23,671 --> 00:41:24,689
You and Sam.

741
00:41:24,690 --> 00:41:27,149
What is that supposed to mean? You're
not going on that show.

742
00:41:27,150 --> 00:41:28,549
I don't recommend this arrangement.

743
00:41:28,550 --> 00:41:32,490
I'm leaving Banstead. With guest star
American Idol Kelly Clarkson.

744
00:41:33,170 --> 00:41:38,050
The new season of American Dreams starts
Sunday 8, 7 central on NBC.

745
00:41:38,100 --> 00:41:42,650
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